I’m just a little discouraged- College and life is hard.

My period started  and I was cramping so badly (even with pain killers), that I knew that using a tampon would make things worse and potentially result in making myself sick so I wrapped toilet paper around my underwear because I can’t afford to go buy pads.

I’m a senior in college. I’m studying Elementary Education. I’ve already had to arrange to postpone my student teaching another year so that I can pay for it. Before anyone gets on my back about working, I do have a job. I work as a substitute and I’ve skipped some of my college classes to go to work so that I can pay to exist as a student. And you know, I have a brain and a couple of fairly functional eyeballs in my head, I know that subbing in the public schools isn’t enough to pay for rent and food- or even just rent. I know that being a substitute isn’t reliable and that I’m not getting enough hours to pay for anything. So, I start job hunting even harder. And no dice.

I haven’t given up yet. I’m still looking for a job. I’m still doing my lesson plans and homework and taking care of my college’s ballroom night (of which I’m the volunteer manager), but man, using toilet paper as a makeshift pad not because I can’t afford to spend seven bucks to buy a packet of pads was very discouraging.


I Miss Disneyland- The Sophie Kinsella Edition

If you know me at all, you know that if I’m not at Disneyland, I probably wish to be there. To illustrate my point, whenever I need to say a fun fact about myself, my fun fact is that I worked at Disneyland as part of the Disney College Program (This is true and yes, I did do it three times and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Ahem. . .). I mean, Mickey Mouse was my boss. How cool is that? And I worked in Tomorrowland during Season of the Force so I was able to have my planet on my name tag. And, I also worked there during the 60th Celebration so our name tags were all sparkly and especially pretty.

Anyways, lately, I’ve been reading the Confessions of a Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella- which, as a side note these are really cute books. As a senior in college, I greatly appreciate the fact that I don’t have to tax my brain to read these (because, sometimes- like after taking the PRAXIS- I just want to come home and have a nice easy read) and Becky, the main character, is hilarious. But, it was Becky’s interactions with her best friend, Suze, which really brought on an especially bad flare-up of I-miss-Disney-itis. (Well, that and the fact that my parents went a couple weeks ago and sent me pictures- which those were so cute and I don’t begrudge my parents a bit, even though I am a little jealous.)

These books reminded me of wandering through the shops with one of my best friends from my last college program, Mimi. We looked at merchandise, but we also looked at the paintings and displays and the cool stuff that is on the walls. Like, honestly, next time you are in or near Anaheim, go to Downtown Disney, head to World of Disney, and take a gander at the ceilings and that spot of the walls near the ceilings. There is some seriously cool stuff there. (Good job, guys.)

In truth, Mimi and I started to really bond over a piece of merchandise there in the jewelry section of World of Disney. We were looking at a necklace that had a red phone box charm when I said that I wished that it were in blue instead of red. This, of course, was a reference to the TARDIS from Dr. Who, and Mimi caught it and a friendship was born.

And then there was the time (maybe it was the same day and same trip, I don’t remember), when Mimi and I saw this dead fish necklace -also, in the jewelry section of World of Disney- and for some reason, it appealed to both of us. Not sure why. It just did.

And then there was the day that I found the books. I have definitely gone to Disneyland- Well, California Adventure- and bought a book, for me. Turns out, that they fit in my purse perfectly. Which, I kind of bought with that purpose in mind, and also at the Disneyland Resort, but years before I bought the book.

So, I really just wrote this specific post so that I could share some of my experiences with my friend at the Disneyland Resort, and in all honesty, I don’t have a conclusion for this. So um, have fun. Go do stuff.


The Firebird

I don’t really draw or anything.I mean I do- sometimes. I’m not very good and I wouldn’t say that I’m an artist, but every now and then I feel the need to draw and color. Today in my dance history class, we watched parts of “The Firebird” choreographed by Michel Fokine and composed by Igor Stravinsky. Watching only parts of this ballet was not enough so after I was done with class and church meetings for the night, I made my way onto Youtube and watched a recording. Yes, granted, a recording is not on the same scale as watching a ballet live, but it was still pretty stellar. About half way through, that old familiar urge to draw and sketch and color hit. I didn’t fight it and I made this picture. I’m pretty proud of it. I made it just for me and just for fun and because of that I was able to art with no fear.

Making art with no fear is something that I struggle with. Often, I get caught up in a net of feeling like whatever I create needs to be perfect; not wanting to start because I haven’t been trained so I have no clue; and worry that instead of meeting constructive criticism,  I’ll just get a bunch of people telling me that they could do it better. None of those things are helpful. Those thoughts often delay and prevent me from creating something- even when I have the desire to do so.

So, new goal for life, starting today: Create with No Fear.the-firebird-for-kirasclicks